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Update!!! [Thursday
Sep 26th, 2013
@ 10:33am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I live here now:


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Oct 22nd, 2010
@ 9:11am]
This Sunday will mark my 5-month single anniversary. I probably won't really do anything, but I think on my 6-month single anniversary I'm going to do something. It will also be marking that I've been broken up with Tyler for over a year, which I think is pretty awesome... I feel like superwoman by now. I am strong, independent, and fabulous. I have a great job, and I'm hella cool. The guys are lined up. I just don't think any of them are good enough. And I like being single bc I hate drama. And i'm uuber picky. I don't want to fall into a trap like I did with Tyler. But I won't. I'm done being naiive.

Poor Brad. I missed his companionship so I started running with him on a regular basis. That turned into twice a week, so I finally brought up the whole "do you still have feelings for me?" question. Once I heard him out and realised the magnitude of his misery, I realised that I was just prolonging it by keeping him around.

I'm not ready to be with him, and there's no point in leading him on making him think that I am. Man he really is a great guy, though. But he'll find himself a great little Christian girl to make him happy. It just won't be me. And I'm sick of feeling guilty about breaking up with him. There's no logical reason for me to feel that way, it's just manifested in my being. I want to bring nothing but joy to other people, and when I do just the opposite, it makes me sick.

Speaking of being sick-I don't vomit anymore. Not since May. Which is nice...

Holy cow. I just realised that my 6th-mo singlesville falls on Thanksgiving break, and I'm off work. I should totally go on vacation--my fam doesnt celebrate Thanksgiving, really. Maybe I should get Zach (who just recently became single) and make him skip Thanksgiving and go to Cali with me or something... lol

txting him right now!
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Jun 9th, 2010
@ 6:44pm]

LOL. fantastic.

I'm single. Which is what I needed. Because I am a complete basketcase and I need somene to slap me so I can stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself.
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Sah-weet! [Thursday
Feb 18th, 2010
@ 3:24pm]
 Updates! Lot's of them!

Lisa is now in a relationship with Brad.

& Lisa made Carrot Cake Oatmeal <3

What else... Tuesday was FAT TUESDAY! And we saw RJD2 at George's and Brad bought me a CD. Then last night he came over and we cooked chicken and brussel sprouts.

Photo of RJD2:

Annnd I ran Lake Fayetteville and found an armadillo.
It was muddy.

We kinda had the "what is our relationsip status?" conversation. I'm pretty happy about it. I have a new boyfriend. He actually respects me. It's refreshing.
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Feb 15th, 2010
@ 11:08pm]



So I definitely did SOMETHING right. I don't know what it was, but how else did I land such a thoughtful dude??? Seriously? It makes me wonder why I would ever settle for less! More pictures and the whole story HERECollapse )
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Believe me when I say you suck. [Thursday
Feb 4th, 2010
@ 1:41am]
I think I'm starting the "I hate my ex" phase. Absolutely despise him. Kinda hope he loses appendages.

There's nothing wrong with me. I'm an awesome girlfriend. He was just insecure. Feels like he needs strippers/hooters waitresses, etc. to get approval. That's gross. Also, he should see a psychiatrist for his porn addiction. That's just not healthy. If people find sick videos stored from your computer to your iPod, you might have a problem. Especially if you tell everyone that you're computer illiterate friends did it.

Maybe he finally realised he didn't deserve me, so he pushed me away. I was lied to WAYYYY too many times. It makes me feel like I'm really dumb... like I had on blinders and couldn't see the truth. I fell for every single "heartfelt" appology. And ALMOST every single lie. For every lie I caught, there were probably 20 others that snuck by me.

Nonetheless, I still hope he loses an eyeball.
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Jan 22nd, 2010
@ 9:42am]
I definitely ate lunch at 8:00 this morning cuz I've been up since 3:45AM. I taught Body Pump in Lowell to 25 people this morning at 5:10. It was pretty amazing, actually. Great way to start the day :D So I guess I'll have dinner at 1. And go to bed at like 5? lol!

I went to bed at 9 last night for the first time since I was... I dunno, 8 years old? I went tanning, got a free chai latte with protien, and bought a "suck it" t-shirt from Tabitha. I still smell like a tanning bed. Gross.

Jeremy texted me last night at about 10:30 saying "What's your ex's last name??? Please call me as soon a you get out of class tomorrow!" I got freaked out thinking maybe he died or something. If he died because I wished it, then I would feel guilty forEVER.

Finally I called Jeremy and he was like "your ex had sex with my ex." It happened summer 2008. Jeremy is gay, so... I probably have aids. Awesome.

Good riddance, dirtbag.
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Jan 18th, 2010
@ 8:14pm]
i just feel like I need to put more pictures on my posts.

oh! I'm totaly obsessed with cupcake bakeries at the moment.

& (secret) Brad is really awesome. I'm gonna follow-up with a super cheesy friends-only entry.

(p.s. smokin aces 2??? really? eugh!)
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staple it together [Thursday
Jan 14th, 2010
@ 11:27pm]
--and call it bad weather.

Jersey Shore is the dumbest show in the world.

New Year's was redonkulous.

Mi hermana is moving in with me manana! 8:00AM. I'm not sure what I'm sposed to do with all the crap in the closets of those rooms. Ugh.

Going to Little Rock tomorrow. I gotta figure out what to get Marlea for her birthday TOMORROW. Eeep! I guess TJ Maxx?
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Atmosphere - Modern Man's Hustle, Shrapnel, God Loves Ugly [Thursday
Jan 14th, 2010
@ 2:03am]
I'm having a blast from the past in the music department. I just downloaded a bunch of old artists that I used to listen to. I miss them: Copeland. Rooney. Switchfoot. Atmosphere. Head Automatica. Marc Broussard. Frou Frou. Jack Johnson.

sO MUCH fun.

I've been really enjoying conversations with Brad. For some reason I haven't been able to even attempt to fall asleep before 2:00 A.M. I have to say, I'm pretty pumped that Brad is anti-cheater and anti-liar. I don't know him that well yet, so I am being extremely cautious as far as progressing the relationship. I know there's something there, but I am in "careful mode". He seems like he won't hurt me, but I don't wanna be naieve. Naeive? spelling.

Today he said "I really enjoy talking to you!" :) Awwww. He has been spilling his guts telling me about his family. Which is almost as corrupt as mine. [I should download some Quasimoto.] Hmmm... I am not in a hurry to get into a new relationship. But I really don't want to freaking waste a bunch of time on Mr. Wrong. I really don't like the fact that he smokes. I feel like I should look past it because he seems like a great person. We'll see. I have lots and lots of options. Interested guys aren't nearly as hard to find as I thought they would be. Not to brag but I'm actually a pretty dateable gal. I will never "settle" (sorry, tyler. you would have made me miserable for the rest of my life.)

I can't decide if I should go to Little Rock this weekend. I don't wanna miss my long run this week, because that will really suck running by myself for 12 miles. My calves still hurt from running last week. Booooo... Maybe I'll get Marlea to run part of it with me. I'll have to hook up my GPS or just try and run for an hour and a half or something. Gross.
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Durdur DUR durdur Durrrr... Shazzzam! [Tuesday
Dec 29th, 2009
@ 4:34pm]

Zach was drunk, and IIIIII wasn't!

I neet to shut up and try and break this insane facebook addiction that I'm starting to get.
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Dec 3rd, 2009
@ 12:39am]
Alone still.

Not as bad as it was at first. I'm getting stronger, but my shell is getting thicker. I'm going to be a lot happier in the long run. It's going to be nice to be in a relationship with someone who actually loves me who I can trust. It's a ways down the road, but it will happen in God's time. I feel like I still have some loose ends to tie with Tyler, but I have also decided that I could get away with leaving things the way they were. He has my TomTom. I guess I still have my iPhone with GoogleMaps. I have tons of his stuff, too. So I guess we're even?

The next guy is going to be a little more like this (these things are the OPPOSITE of Tyler):

-His relationship with God a dominant part of his life.
-His drinking habits won't bring conflict to our relationship.
-He respects me enough not to lie to me (or my family, or HIS family)...
-He cares about his health, is active, and eats smart.
-He spends more quality time with me that any one of his friends.
-He doesn't let that particular friend do/say inappropriate things to me.
-He doesn't just want to lay around and watch TV all the time.
-If he does get drunk (rare), he actually treats me like a human being.
-Talking about our future isn't taboo.

***Bonus points if he likes to run.

This guy definitely exists. I've started praying for him. I'll find find him. Actually, he'll find me. Hopefully I'll be ready when he comes along...
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Nov 25th, 2009
@ 12:32am]
Every day I wake up and hope it was all just a bad dream again. Then the heavy cloud settles back into the moshed up mess I call my brain. It's not a dream. I really am alone.

My old reason for getting out of bed is gone. Now I'm supposed to keep my head up and pretend like my insides don't feel like regurgitated tractor tires. I wear a fake smile on my face while I go through the motions of the day. I wear a mask all day. It's exhausting. I can pretend everything is normal until night time comes. When it finally does, I sit there hoping that something magically will happen and the heart that has been eaten will find it's way back into my chest again. I finally start to feel drowsy enough to lay my head down. Choking sobs delay my sleep, as does a large, cold mattress beneath me. I finally drift in and out of consciousness until the sun starts to come up.

It wasn't a dream. Another day. Another fake smile.

If I tell enough people that I am okay, then maybe it will come true.
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Oct 22nd, 2009
@ 4:38pm]
i had a gross salad today. I was romaine lettuce, three cherry tomatoes, a tiny sprinkle of mozzerella, and some homemade low fat raspberry viniagrette dressing that i made like a month ago.

Today at the gym there was this crazy girl. She was like 300 lbs and she made me dance with her to "Low" by Flo Rida. it was awkward, i stared at michelle the whole time with a "please help me!" look on my face. I think the girl must've had some kind of mental handicap. She couldn't really do any ofthe excercises. Even the super basic things like bicep curls or military presses. She had a friend with her who wasn't wearing workout clothes and she just sat there and stared at us all the whole time.

I need to eat better. I had some freaking cheetos for breakfast after having a chocolate candy bar for dinner last night. Idiot.
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Oct 20th, 2009
@ 2:38pm]
My boyfriend is gone for the week. For some reason I don't miss him. I guess it's just good for us that we're having some time apart.

This morning I did circut and turbo kick. She made us do this "squat walking" thing where you squat all the way down and look like a duck while you try to walk across the room. We were walking backwards and my knee like... blew out. It really hurt.

Today I had: The "Innate Power breakfast". lunchables. A stalk of broccoli with homemade lowfat ranch. lowfat cottage cheese. Okra chips. and tea.

Lots of smaller meals will make my metabolism speed up, right? I felt like I was going to faint earlier when i was working out because I basically skipped dinner last night. Crap. My tea is cold.
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Oct 19th, 2009
@ 8:37pm]
Today I was too tired from running to go to spin class. So I went to pilates, sculpting, abs, and hip-hop cardio instead. I'm stupid.

I want to buy an appetite surpressant so that I can stop eating back all the calories I burned.
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Oct 18th, 2009
@ 9:34pm]
I ran 10 miles today at the World Gym in Lowell. I ran like 6 miles the day before yesterday and I'm not used to running that much, so I basically feel like I'm dying. I'm drinking chai tea, which has caffeine and normally turns me into a spazz, but right now I think all it's going to do is make me feel somewhat normal. ♥

I'm going on the schedule next month to teach Body Pump. So, uh, I better freakin practice. I wish people would come to my running class, so I could keep it. I want new workout clothes. That's whats on my Christmas list. I think the reason that I've been avoiding getting new clothes is because I'm hoping I'll suddenly shrink and I'll need to buy smaller sizes. That's obviously not the case, though. I should just go ahead and get stuff and if it gets baggy then good.

I never write here anymore because I'm always writing in that stupid thing for Eric's class. Except I haven't written in it in two weeks. So, uh. Yeah.
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Jul 2nd, 2009
@ 8:36pm]
So I finally am officially hired by World Gym. Buttttttt.... I have to wear special pants because loose shorts aren't allowed: someone might see up them. Oh, no. Who cares. All of the shorts I have have those built-in liners anyways so it's not like anyone would actually see anything. Whatever. So I went shopping today to try and fins some workout clothes that maybe are compressions shorts/capris. I tried on compression shorts and almost started crying. God has given me extremely large thighs because I guess he want's me to be able to drop-kick 350lb burglars. Which is fine, but it's awfully hard to find pants that fit my wait and my huge... assets at the same time. Plus I'm clinically overweight because of it. (At least I think that might be one reason). So I almost cried in the dressing room when I tried on compression shorts. It was not attractive at all. I'm never eating again.

I like how almost every single entry I ever make is me complaining about my body. I need to just get over it. I should just eat healthier I guess. It makes me in a bad mood not to eat bread. I eat fruit and complex carbs all day, but unless I can have a little but of that unhealthy white crap, I'm cranky.

Ewww I need a new topic. I really hope no one reads this ever. My stomach is mad at me for eating my kitchen. Earlier I got carried away and my kitchen look good so I ate it. oH, i see that i'm still on the same friggin topic arent i?

So back to the gym. Ummm. Today instead of turbo kick we did "PiYo" which is supposed to be a cross between pilates and yoga and it's supposed to lengthen your muscles. I don't know I think it's just an excuse to stretch, but I probably needed it so that was nice to be able to do that. There were only four of us at the beginning of class, and we voted to do PiYo. It was a nice change. She (Tabitha, the instructor) really likes to do lots of static squats. So my thighs are even bigger. great. But at least I'm getting toned.

I need to look for more ideas for the Kid's class. I had to teach it by myself on Wednesday and I was way nervous because it's hard to think of games for younger kids that the older ones won't totally hate. So we played "musical bosu balls" and obstacle course, and duck-duck-goose, and hot potato. Boooo.

This one little boy went around the circle six times saying "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck""duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck""duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck" "duck""duck" "duck" "duck" "duck"! sERIOUSly! I told him to hurry up and pick someone and he ignored me and I am sooo bad with kids and I had no idea what to do.
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Jun 24th, 2009
@ 10:24pm]
I'm such a procrastinator. I'm really sad because Tyler has left for California and I won't see him again until Monday. I know it's not that long, but it is. It feels like it. It's going to be hard because I'm used to not being alone at nights.

My buddy icon is a picture of Kitty, my little rat terrier/mt. fist booger who left me this past March. He is staring at me as I type this. I think he was almost miserable anyways. He was blind and pretty much deaf at that point. And probably hardly weighed 2 lbs. I got him when I was 8. It's weird for me to think of him as a dog because he always felt a lot more like a family member. One that loved me unconditionally and never got mad at me. I always dreaded the day that he would die and I would be left alone to live out my life without him, but now that it's happened I feel like I can't let my brain go there. I was weened away from him when I went away to college and more so, the longer i've lived in Fayetteville (he lived with my parents). I cry about him randomly at night when I'm trying to sleep. That sounds really stupid, but he's been such an important part of my life, I can't really think of him as a pet. And I could never replace him. I think there's something magic about a childhood pet. He lived to be almost 14, I think. I can't remember his exact date that he was put down because I really hate thinking about it. i really miss him. It's time to change the subject.

I feel like I spend all of my free time doing homework. This semester we don't have any super easy classes like we did last semester. My days go like this: wake up. work out. do homework. go to class. eat dinner. go to bed. the end. I feel like it's hard to get anything done during the week like mowing the grass or doing little projects for fun. I'm just glad that I quit Rick's so I have a little extra weekend time to get things done.

Hopefully I can just use this weekend to unwind a little. Read my book, lay in the sun, go for a run.
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freewrite [Thursday
Jun 18th, 2009
@ 9:35am]
I had the scariest dream ever last night. My dream started out normal(-ish). I got hired at the hospital working the front desk because there was a cute guy working there.. (I don't know why... i've had a boyfriend for the past three and a half years, but in my dreams I often am single). So the cute guy is showing me around and introducing me to my new coworkers, and then suddenly we hear a news story about a plane crash. Then, of course, my dream beams me to College and Joyce and I am suddenly on foot trying to get away from the accident scene. There are at least 50 cars that have been crumpled when the plane skidded across the top of them and are now almost completely flattened out. I look around for the aircraft, but all i find is a broken off wing. I decide to stop trying to look for it. Then suddenly this girl is running towards me in tears screaming about how her boyfriend might be in the wreckage. The freaky part is that this girl actually exists. She works at a local clothing boutique and I have seen her in my gym a couple of times. i remember a partially-smashed green van trying to flee the scene. I also remember partially mutilated people (missing limbs, large open gashes... etc... gory stuff) walking through the wreckage. There were dead people too. Bloody pulp and not much else. It was really disturbing.I woke up in a state of panic. I hope that's not a clue as to how my day is going to be...

So on that note, I'm going to switch gears and talk about a potential tagline for volunteer youth corps.

their website says;
Mission Statement: "To make a positive contribution to the development of children and youth through access to health, social and economic support necessary for improved quality of life" and "caring for humanity"

-love your neighbor...
-caring for the community
-compassion in the community
-embracing opportunity in the community** i like that one
-making a difference in Guyana
-improving the quality of life
-make a positive contribution
-the positive difference... 101.1KLRC lol
-providing the best support to our communiuty. and then the t-shirt could have a bra drawn on it across the chest. that would be great. especially for the guys.

friendship sharing loving growing opportunity
patience compassion patience

ok i'm done.
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